Sobriety Is Not A Magic Wand

When I first quit alcohol, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Initially, and I suspect I'm not alone in this, the focus was on one thing: just not blooming drinking! Breaking those habits and getting used to doing life without a glass of wine in my hand.

In those first months, the changes I noticed were so tangible. My eyes were brighter, my skin clearer, my sleep better. Then I started to notice that my mental health was improving - a reduction in "background anxiety" as a client put it so eloquently in a recent session. All very positive things.

Then, as time goes on, things start to change... life creeps back in. You may have sparkling eyes and radiant skin, but the bins still need to be put out and stresses at home and work remain the same. Basically - sobriety is not a magic wand.

Quitting booze does not magically make your life perfect.

Life is easier in so many ways - there's no 'beer fear' of what was said or done after a night out; money is not being spend on alcohol and, let's face it, life is always better after a good night's sleep. But it's also harder in other ways. Giving booze credit where it's due, it's good at messing with those neural pathways to numb out the stresses of the world.

On top of that, cutting out booze makes some things harder... Quitting alcohol changes the dynamic of all relationships you have. Some friendships will fall by the wayside, some will flourish immediately as foundations are strengthened in areas away from the pub. Some will take some time to rebalance as the way you turn up for yourself and others changes. It's not always easy, but any changes that happen are based on authenticity and truth, potentially for the first time in a while. So if - like me - you used alcohol to numb out issues what do you do?? These are things that have to be worked on, have to be sorted out. Within six months of quitting alcohol, I'd reconnected with my counsellor for sessions for the first time in a couple of years. I needed professional support; we worked through things, and I was able to move on. Without alcohol as a crutch, you have to build up a 'toolkit' of other ways to deal with things. For me, dealing with stress is a big one at the moment. In addition to the 'normal' life stresses; I'm feeling the pressure of imminent building work on my home. Building work that I am undertaking entirely because I want to - it will make my house so much nicer and I can't wait for it to happen. BUT with that comes the stress of being responsible for all the decisions and the practical preparation of the house for 6 weeks of dust, disorder and no kitchen... So if you're not talking using alcohol to unwind at the end of the day - what is the alternative? This is another 'toolbox' you need to build in sobriety. You need to find things that help you to relax, switch off and generally nourish you in different ways. This can be as simple as ensuring you get out for a walk every day, or thrash things out in a weekly boxing class. Personally, I'm venturing into the garden barefoot every morning to drink my coffee while grounding and connecting with nature. I'm going to my favourite Northumbrian beach for sunrise as often as I can. I'm scheduling time with friends and meaningful time for me at sound baths, tai chi and the gym. In 2021, I would have been able to list my hobbies on one hand; with 'drinking alcohol' being number one (and featuring in two of the others). Now, I would need to use my feet as well. All activities bring something to my life; be it fun social interaction, focusing on physical relaxation or other activities that are nourishing for my soul. But these things aren't always hard to find, and this is where life coaching can help. I work with sober clients on their values and goals to help them build their own, cast iron toolkit that will equip them to navigate life in sobriety where that magic wand has fallen short. If you'd like to talk about working together, book a chat with me here.